Some issues right now that weigh heavily on my mind all the time that I think I need to introduce to my blog so that when they come up in future blogs its not all CRAZY dramatic. One thing is that I am going through some intensive therapy for my "daddy issues" as I like to call them. For those of you who don't know (and by 'for those of you who don't know' I mean you mr. text editor box) my dad passed away when I was 13. It was a hard time in my life despite the fact that we never really got along all that well, family is family. Anyways since that time in my life I've been know be extremely self-deprecating and just generally down on myself ALL the time. So I'm in therapy and so far I really like my therapist so I'm excited to see if this can work out. The problem is I can't trust men, because I never trusted the first man in my life, and when I do trust men they take that trust and throw it back in my face. I don't deal with that kind of rejection because to me its more than just being rejected...its abandonment to me. I never really understood why I reacted to this so strongly until I started reading this book 'Adult Children of Alcoholics' which is making me realize that there are other people out there who feel these exact same things.
Random picture of me and my dad :)
Anyways that brings me to my second issue that I'm dealing with (big issue, I have a lot of little issue) I am having extreme issues getting over my ex...and we only dated a month...to me thats pathetic. He's still my best friend, I should still be grateful he's in my life but I just can't. And he's the one guy who hasn't thrown my trust back in my face.
Sooooo yeah. Thats what I'm dealing with as of late and I'm hoping things will get better, soon. Cuz I'm tired of being down. I'm going on medication in march for my depression and anxiety so that'll be a welcome change! Anyways next time I'll write about something HAPPY! Maybe...if you're lucky.
I met this woman once that tried to tell me the only reason I am getting married so early in my life is because I'm trying to fill my daddy void issues.
ReplyDeleteI did not like that woman.
However, as a person who had an idea of these things in your life I am still sorry you are dealing with them and that it's bringing you so down. There is light at the end of the tunnel and I think therapy is a huge leap towards that light :)
I have been on anti depressants not for depression but anxiety (guess that's how they treat it!?) since basically Jan 1st and I have to say it's helped. A lot. However, I like crying every once in awhile to remember that I am human..and that really hasn't happened. But to each their own.
I didn't even realize that you had commented, sorry, but thanks for that. I've been told that I will be naturally attacted to men that abuse alcohol...and as far as I know thats NOT the case.
ReplyDeleteDaddy issues are pretty shitty but just remember if you didn't deal with them you wouldn't be who you are now.