Wow, I haven't written in a while. I promised myself I would write but more importantly I promised my therapist. But how can I write when I have nothing to say...hmm does me saying my therapist told me to write break the confidentiality thing. I doubt it.
Uhm...lets see...found out some news that could be very bad, but everything is still in the air. Yesterday my parents landlord came over to our house and said that both his son and daughter-in-law are out of jobs and they have 2 kids...so he's giving our house (which he still owns) to them. And since my parents haven't really signed a lease since we first moved in, some 7 years ago, we can't really fight it. So he wants us out by April 1st...we have 4 pets...do you know how hard it is to find a rental place that allows 4 pets. Well then he calls again last night and tells my parents that his son and daughter-in-law may be moving to her home country of Prague so if thats the case then we get to stay. My mom was pretty torn up about it and yeah its sad but hey I have a lot of other shit on my mind to get all crazy emotional about this. When the time comes I'll let the proper emotions let themselves out.
I think it'll be way harder if for some reason we can't find a place that lets us keep all the pets and I have to get rid of Mouse, that will kill me. She's like my child. This sounds so stupid but in Lakewood I have like 2 friends, and my cat. So she's like my best friend. God I'm so pathetic, I need a life.
I've been really down lately about myself. Basically I feel like because I can't find a job I'm kind of failing myself. Like I graduated from college for gods sake and I can't even find a job in retail. This is bullshit. And I want to just move to L.A. and say FUCK IT and give acting a try professionally. But the problem is I can't really move without money.
And another thing that's been on my mind a lot is I want a guy. Not really a boyfriend, I miss having someone to cuddle with, I fucking LOVE cuddling. But I can't really cuddle in my parents house. And how does one MEET people outside of college. Especially when I'm not really a bar hopper or anything.
Today was kind of fun. Art's cousins Kenny and Dell both came over to help Art move in the new fridge (why get a new fridge if we may be moving out in a month, WHO KNOWS) anyways when these three get together its worse than my family. These guys literally just try and out scream each other. They've been here since 10 am...nearly 12 hours. It's been loud. They also partake in...some...recreational drugs. Which makes things a little louder. I went down in the basement and played pool with Kenny. I suck at pool. So he was trying to coach me while we were competing but I did beat him twice in a row. GO ME!
Anyways this is the most random sporadic post ever but WHATEVER.
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First off - cute background! Love the butterflies.
ReplyDeleteSecond - You are obviously not in denial that you are hard on yourself so I feel ok saying this - go back and look at all the negative things you said about yourself! You do not suck, or fail at life. You and x amount of other freshly graduated college students cannot find jobs - that's why the whole thing seems so pointless!! But keep your head up - you don't wanna get stuck in retail anyway. (Says the retail manager). Just look at it that you should be lucky nothing "small" is falling into place so you're free when something BIG happens :) However, I do understand you need the money so I do hope you find something to help.
Third - I am so sorry to hear about your house. I hope those people move to Prague :P