Soooo...on to my OH SO INTERESTING STORY. And my OH SO PETTY REACTION. Night. Interior. (sorry I'm in a weird mood) I go into the computer room where my step-dad has just put the dogs in their kennels. OH WAIT! Let me preface this by saying my step dad is obsessed with candles, we have like 8 in the living room and then one in every other room. He puts them on top of shelves and like hides them in plants (oh you think I'm kidding...I'm not, this shit is real) anyways they all smell like black cherry meaning their wax is dark red (this is important I swear) Also let me explain the computer room desk to you, its one of those multilayer corner desks...as seen below.
So this desk is in the corner and the candle is right above where the computer monitor is...along with an old school desk lamp. Well the pully-string for the desk lamp broke off so you have to just screw in the light bulb to turn it on and screw out the light bulb to turn it off.
OKAY that's the background infooooo...now on to the ACTION! So I go into the computer room to ask Art if he has any advil because my uterus is trying to escape from my body. He says "Yea hold on" turns off the light and then we both hear something fall into the chair and kind of splatter. Then it clicks...he just knocked over a candle...that's been burning for quite some time. So we turn on the light and there is wax everywhere. I'm talking on the monitor...the mouse...the desk...the chair...the keyboard...the carpet. The shit is dark red...like blood...and smells...like black cherry so at least the room now has a pleasant scent. So he starts ranting and raving and rips the keyboard out of the way and like turns it upsidedown...its already COVERED in wax so that was a dumb move. I of course go straight for the monitor to get the wax off there. While Art stands around staring at me.
Now here's a little quiz...who knocked the candle over? Was it me? No I didn't think so. So why am I the one cleaning the shit up while he just stands there....?
And then its gets worse. He walks OUT OF THE ROOM. Comes back with paper towels. For wax...yeah thats gonna get us far. Then he yells at the dogs because his reasoning is that because the only reason he was in that room was to put the dogs away is that it is their fault. Yeah because two little weiner dogs jumped up about 5 feet to knock over a candle. Yup, thats totally what happened. Then my mom has been trying to call this WHOLE time to get one of us to pick her up at work....so of course that's MY job. So I say fine I'll go get her, hey at least it gets me out of cleaning up dark red wax.
So I go get my mom and come back and Art is SITTING ON THE COUCH WATCHING HBO! But then I think, hey he said he'd pay my bill this month so I'll go clean up the wax. I clean the wax. Hook up a new keyboard and mouse. Then I go into the living room to say 'hey I am done with this' and he comes and INSPECTS IT!
Man I was pissedddddd. I can't even tell you how pissed. I still am a little pissed.
Anyways moral of the story...candles suck balls.
Haha omg you have the best "writing voice". That uterus escaping the body thing is hysterical :) I'm sorry you had to pick up all the mess, but thank you THANK YOU for posting this blog.
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